little bits & pieces

I was reading what I had written last night. There are a couple things I need to make a little clearer and a couple things I need to add.
First, I know other people that have depression issues. I'm not holding the fact that Shaniqua has depressions against her, it's how she doesn't handle them that concern me.
She also was doing drugs (pot & cocaine) at the time too. We have one of her family member that witnessed she was smoking pot and we have an acquaintance that witnessed her snorting cocaine. She was supposed to be taking "random" drug test, per the court order. Shaniqua was also supposed to be doing counseling and staying on her depressions meds too.
If Shaniqua and C were ever alone w/out me or the boyfriend around she would always call me later and told me they had slept together. It was an on going issue. Now I don't understand why she would want her children to be in a bad environment with the adults fighting all the time.
It also didn't matter if I was overly nice, regular nice, didn't speak or whatever - I was a horrible person and this was all my fault. I couldn't do anything right in her eyes. Since I have no biological children yet I can't say I completely understand how hard it would be to see another woman take care of the children you had carried for 9 months. But C could have picked a lot worse. I don't do drugs and I have a strong family support system behind me.
For the 2 1/2 years she has been gone we hear from her maybe 3 to 4 times a year for about a week or two. The problem is she just thinks we can automatically let her jump back in the kids' lives. If she was relaible and would actually call when she says she would we would try it. But Bug's heart was broken when Shaniqua left and we don't want to have to pick up the pieces again and again. Sometimes we have no hearts, sometimes black hearts, sometimes hearts of stones, and other times we are great. But if we don't give in then we are horrible. She thinks she can write one message and we should just give into her. She has a myspace blog. I understand the need to vent but she uses are actual names and writes horrible things about us. There is usually a small grain of truth in something she writes and the rest is just whatever comes up at the top of her head.
Anyway, I just felt the need to write a little bit more to clue you in on more of the story.