PISSED

So about a month ago Shaniqua wrote me a couple messages. One was about how she misses her children and how they were wrongfully taken away from her. Ummm hello!? I was there. I know exactly what was going on. She didn't even fight for them! And she moved away!
Then she writes me another message about C saying he's a horrible person that looks at kiddie porn! And she is so glad I'm in Bug and Sunshine's life to protect them! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!??? You stupid *&%^%$%(^&^% *&*%#$#%#^*&&^$#! That is sooooo far from the truth. He's one of the best father's I know. HE DOES NOT LOOK AT THAT KIND OF STUFF AND HE WOULD RATHER DIE THEN HURT HIS KIDS! He's the biggest pushover w/Bug and Sunshine and would do ANYTHING for them! And either way you look at it she's still a nutjob because if she really believes that in her land of make believe then WHY WOULD YOU LEAVE YOUR CHILDREN WITH SOMEONE LIKE THAT?? Come on!!!! Either way you still look like the HORRIBLE mother you are!!!! And then today she writes C a message saying she really needs a friend right now and really needs to talk to him. WHY WOULD HE WANT TO TALK TO YOU!? YOU JUST TOLD ME A MONTH AGO HE LIKES LITTLE KIDS!!!

GET A GRIP ON REALITY!

something that made me smile.

The most precious gems you'll ever put around your neck are the arms of your children:-)

trying to not be angry

I'm not even sure where to start this one. This happened just a little less than a month ago. I've been trying to simmer down first before I write about it just because I am so upset over it. Shaniqua has another child from a relationship after her and C. She had Lil' Shaniqua with Boyfriend #1. Her and Boyfriend #1 share custody of Lil' Shaniqua. She is currently living with Boyfriend #2.
C and I have talked many times about Bug and Sunshine having a little sister. Lil' Shaniqua's dad lives in our state. I called him awhile back and asked what his thoughts were on the kids trying to have a relationship with one another. He said we could def. give it a try because the kids are the innocent parties in all of this. But that we would have to wait because Lil' Shaniqua was going back to Shaniqua for the time being. We said that was fine. Just to give us a call when she got back up here and we would see if we could make this work for the sake of the children.
The day before Shaniqua gets Lil' Shaniqua she calls my phone and leaves a message about how happy she is that we all want the kids to have a relationship with each other. She's going to have Lil' Shaniqua and Bug and Sunshine should give them a call so they can start building their relationship over the phone. They are 7, 4, and 3. They don't want to talk on the phone! They want to play! Crackhead! Grrr.
But here is the part that really upsets me. She has Lil' Shaniqua call my phone and leave two messages for Bug and Sunshine. You can hear Shaniqua in the background telling her exactly what to say. I feel so sorry for Lil' Shaniqua because she is just another pawn to Shaniqua.
I have no problem with the kids getting to know eachother but Shaniqua is NOT dependable at all! She'd let them talk everyday for a couple weeks and then we wouldn't be able to reach her for another month. What are we supposed to tell the kids then?? GRRRRRR.

little bits & pieces

I was reading what I had written last night. There are a couple things I need to make a little clearer and a couple things I need to add.
First, I know other people that have depression issues. I'm not holding the fact that Shaniqua has depressions against her, it's how she doesn't handle them that concern me.
She also was doing drugs (pot & cocaine) at the time too. We have one of her family member that witnessed she was smoking pot and we have an acquaintance that witnessed her snorting cocaine. She was supposed to be taking "random" drug test, per the court order. Shaniqua was also supposed to be doing counseling and staying on her depressions meds too.
If Shaniqua and C were ever alone w/out me or the boyfriend around she would always call me later and told me they had slept together. It was an on going issue. Now I don't understand why she would want her children to be in a bad environment with the adults fighting all the time.
It also didn't matter if I was overly nice, regular nice, didn't speak or whatever - I was a horrible person and this was all my fault. I couldn't do anything right in her eyes. Since I have no biological children yet I can't say I completely understand how hard it would be to see another woman take care of the children you had carried for 9 months. But C could have picked a lot worse. I don't do drugs and I have a strong family support system behind me.
For the 2 1/2 years she has been gone we hear from her maybe 3 to 4 times a year for about a week or two. The problem is she just thinks we can automatically let her jump back in the kids' lives. If she was relaible and would actually call when she says she would we would try it. But Bug's heart was broken when Shaniqua left and we don't want to have to pick up the pieces again and again. Sometimes we have no hearts, sometimes black hearts, sometimes hearts of stones, and other times we are great. But if we don't give in then we are horrible. She thinks she can write one message and we should just give into her. She has a myspace blog. I understand the need to vent but she uses are actual names and writes horrible things about us. There is usually a small grain of truth in something she writes and the rest is just whatever comes up at the top of her head.
Anyway, I just felt the need to write a little bit more to clue you in on more of the story.

a brief history...

Well, I'll try to make it brief. I met C and Shaniqua in the summer of 2004. I had moved to start college and had to find a job in their city. I had been dating a good guy at the time and was not looking to fall in love with someone else.
Fast forward a little bit to fall of 2004. I had gotten to know C pretty well because we worked together more than I worked with Shaniqua. They were engaged and had a little girl. She was adorable! Bug stole my heart right away.
I heard from work gossip that Shaniqua had cheated on C with someone we worked with. At the time I felt bad, but was still with my good guy so didn't really take much interest. I guess things like this had happened before(more work gossip) and C was tired of to trying to make it work. He told her he was leaving her. Shaniqua cut her arms all up in front of Bug. C had her put in the hospital for three days for observation. She came out, she was on meds(she had been before too for depression issues), and C decided he just couldn't do it.
In the winter of 2004 she tried several more times to kill herself. C and I were getting closer but it was only because he didn't have a lot of family support at that time. Shaniqua also learned she was pregnant. She told C the baby was his, the baby wasn't his, it could be his, she really wasn't sure who's it was. C told her that he would be there for her but they would not be getting back together.
Late winter of 2004 the good guy and I broke up. School, work, & the long distance driving was taking too much of a toll on our relationship.
January of 2005 Shaniqua took off down south with Bug and her unborn baby. Didn't even let C know until she was already down there. For four long months he was a shattered mess. His heart was broken. He placed papers for full custody soon after she left. She told him she was never coming back up because he wouldn't be with her. For that four months he was so lost. He cried for his daughter almost everyday. It was during that time we became best friends.
Finally, she did come back up. She missed the court date for custody of their daughter. He won full custody. Yes, technically by default but he also got to tell the judge the whole story.
August of 2005 Sunshine was born. C and I had been fighting feelings for eachother for a long time. We didn't want to be a couple because of how awful that would look. He didn't want me to be labeled the "homewrecker", even though that home had been wrecked long before me.
Sunshine ended up being C's little boy. And he went after custody of him too. This time Shaniqua did come to court, with her new boyfriend. She told the judge she thought it was best that Sunshine live w/his father.
C and I finally decided it was time to stop fighting it and just be happy. I moved in pretty quickly and we got engaged pretty quickly too.
Shaniqua and C went through a lot of meditations. The courts kept giving her chance after chance because afterall she was the kids' mother.
Shaniqua was given supervised visitation. It was only ordered for one day a week because the other day was full. She was supposed to keep calling and making sure she was on the waiting list for the other day to open up. She never did. She got pregnant with new guy's baby. Lord, did I feel sorry for him.
She had her baby. A cute little girl. The kids were very excited to have a baby sister. She seemed to be getting her life on track. The boyfriend seemed to be good for her. We told her she still had to go to supervised but we would try a couple non-supervised and see how it went. Not good. So we backed off.
Her and the boyfriend started getting rocky. She stopped going to some visits or cut out early. We heard from a member of her family she was planning on leaving to go south again. The boyfriend took her to court and they now have shared custody of their child. She left for the south without even telling Bug and Sunshine.
That was two and a half years ago. She hasn't seen the kids since then. There's a lot of other stuff that I've cut out of this blog because I don't want to cram your head up with too much. But for the past 2 and a half years I'm all these kids have known as mom. They know they have another mommy. We do talk about her some. Sunshine doesn't remember her at all and Bug barely remembers her.
I've been "stepmommy" since Sunshine was about six months old. They are my world and I love them soooo much.
Any questions? Feel free to ask me! :) Sorry if this seems a little scattered. Just trying to give you a basic background!

I'm living in a snow globe

Wow, the kids and I feel like we are living in a snow globe! Tomorrow our plans are to make some snow people and some snow angels. I can't wait! :) But while my man is at work I'm going to grab a cup of coffee and start another post. One that will help you understand why I started this blog in the first place.

a little intro

I am a step mommy. I have two amazing stepchildren. They are ages 4 and 7. Their father has full custody and they are the most wonderful kids out there! :) We live up north and their BM lives down south. My whole world revolves around them. And this is probably the first and last time you'll see me refer to them as "step" children.
This blog is something I needed to do for myself. As this blog continues to grow you will learn all about the circumstances that led to me becoming their "step" mom. You will also learn about the love we all have for each other in our little family. And then you will learn about HER(BM). Some of this stuff will shock you, some will make you laugh, and some will make you cry.
Buckle your seat belts - this might be a bumpy ride!